im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
