the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
