I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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