I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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