Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
