So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Holy shit dude........stairs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
