Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
