I'm gonna have a badass scar
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
