Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
