i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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