totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
