Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
