it hurts more in the daytime
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
