Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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