Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
