I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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