dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
