Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
