They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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