My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
