She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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