Cold hands, warm shart.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
