Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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