We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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