it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
