we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My ATM looks so different sober.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
