She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
