I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
