Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
