So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
