Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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