This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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