I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
