dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
