do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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