When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
