Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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