You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
