it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
smell my finger.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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