how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
