His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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