why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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