Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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