Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
