Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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