it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
