she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
