I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
