As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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