Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
