brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
