if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
