Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
