Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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