3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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