I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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