Umm I'm too high to move.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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